CB003 - More Reinforcement Toward The Unshakeable Confidence Foundation
You’ve already built and started make your confidence foundation solid…
Now, we’re going to layer on a few more simple things that will help to give you unshakeable confidence.
We’re going to talk about how what you wear will make people change their attitude toward you, give you space and treat you with respect. You’ll hear a wonderful story about how a young student transformed from a typical ‘sloppy’, non confident person into someone who commanded respect as soon as she ‘plucked up the courage’ to go change her clothes - that alone is worth tuning in for.
But there’s more, you’ll also discover how ‘wonder woman’ can be your friend and help you to transform.. why not listen now to get the full scoop on how to make your confidence foundation bedrock?.
More Steps To Reinforce Your Confidence Foundation
Hi there! My name is Stuart and I'd like to give you a big warm welcome to Confidence Bytes, the show that helps you start your week the confident way. Now, in previous episodes we were talking about simple things that you can make habits out, of that will help you to create a solid foundation of confidence. They will help you to feel good about yourself, to feel proud of yourself, to feel so special that you can only go forward with more and more confidence.
If you remember we talked -- started with my goodness, I am good, my ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet. You write down a 100 things or more about how good you are and then you fold it on a -- you write it on a piece of paper and you fold it and you put it in your pocket. And you take it around with you every day and you feel how good you are. You're feeling your goodness. And then you set your alarm with your phone every hour, take it out, look at it and then remind yourself, I'm good and you smile. And then we built on that habit.
We started writing down all the things that you can do. So you made another sheet, you wrote down ‘I can do’. And you put that with your ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet and you put it in your pocket. And you did the same, every hour you took it out of your pocket, you looked at it, you looked at both of them and you smiled to yourself. You say, “Yeeeess! I'm good! I can do so many things." And you start feeling better.
And then we moved on a little bit further with a Success Diary, every single success that you've had in your day, you write down. Did you get up at 7 o' clock? Yes, that was a success! Did you do this? Yes, it was a success! Everything, doesn't matter how small or how big and you write them all down. Did you make a mistake? Did you learn from it? Yes, a success! So you're building on successes.
And what we need to do is we need to make it a habit for you to think of all the good things, all the things you can do and all the successes that you have. Focus on those, don't focus on the mistakes, don't focus on things like that. Focus on the good.
So here's another little tip. You can take a rubber band, put it on your wrist. There you are. Now, every time you look at your wrist, you see this. Just to let it remind you of your success, let it remind you of how good you are, how special you are. Every time you see it, think of those things. And every time you see it, smile, because you are special. Think about that. Do that. Make good success.… Make good confidence habits. Habits are formed. So it makes sense to form good confidence habits, doesn't it?
Well, this -- in this show we're going to build upon this foundation. “I'm happy, because I'm so successful. I saw my rubber band.” Okay. We're going to build on it. And we're going to do a very simple exercise to help you smile more. Take a pencil. And maybe you want to do this when you're home, may be in the office is not a good option. But you put the pencil here in your mouth. And it might seem stupid. It might make you laugh at me, but that's good because it's helping you to smile.
But what happens is when you put it there, you feel your cheeks have to move up to open your lips and you feel the muscles start working. And you're training those muscles to keep more the smile in your face. It's something I need, because I don't always smile so much. I know I should, but I just have this bad habit that I'm getting rid of. So I've got my pencil. I'm on a computer. I'm on the computer with it. And I smile at myself, because I look so bloody stupid.
But anyway, it's good. It's a great habit to get into. Do that everyday and as many times as you can. And the other thing we talked about was, “YYEEESS! I'm so good!” the victory pose. So those things keep doing them, make them a habit. Every time you see a mirror look at yourself and say “yes”. And if you're in public, just imagine yourself doing it and you will smile. It's so effective and so simple.
And now I want to talk about clothes and how your clothes can change your feeling about yourself; your -- the way people treat you. And I want to illustrate this with a wonderful little story. A few years ago I was working with a girl who's 18 years old, she's a student and she was just leaving high school and she wanted to go to Hong Kong University. And she needed to go through an interview and she wasn't sure how to handle the interview, etcetera, etcetera.
So she came to see me and we were talking.
And I said to her: “what are you going to wear?”
“I’ve bought some nice… a lovely suit, a lovely suit.”
I said: “what does it feel like to wear it?”
“Well, you know, when I bought it it felt okay.”
“But what does it feel like to wear it,” I said, “every day?”
“I don't know.” she said.
I said, “Well, you know, why don't you go home tonight, why don't you put it on and see what it feels like to wear it? You can wear it at home, no one's going to look at you, no one's going to make you feel stupid, just get used to it…”
“I don't normally wear a tie. And if I have to wear a tie, if I -- I'm thinking of this. It's probably 10 or 20 years since I've worn a tie. And if I have to put a shirt on with a collar and I have to do the collar up or put a tie on it just feels so horrible. It just feels so restricting, I can't breathe and I'm scrunching myself and it just doesn't work, because I'm not used to wearing a tie…”
“So why don't you just go home, as I say, put it on tonight, sit around the house, do the normal things and just see how it feels.”
So she agreed and she went home and came back a few days later.
I said, “Well, how was it wearing the suit?”
She said “No, it just felt strange, it didn't feel right to be wearing the suit at home so I took it off and put my normal clothes on”
And you know, her normal clothes, typical student. Sloppy jeans, sloppy T-shirt, she has a sloppy bearing and everything else. She doesn't exude confidence. She just came across it just sort of like a typical sort of teenager.
I said, “Okay, let's do it again, but this time just wear it until you get used to it. It might take time, but just get used to it. Every night wear it, watch TV, do the things you normally do, do your homework; whatever it is you do, just have your suit on and just get used to wearing it.”
So next time she came I asked her and she said, “No, its actually getting more comfortable. And when I see myself I smile, because I look nice.”
And I said, “That's great! It's wonderful. Congratulate yourself for that.”
“And what about your shoes? You know many people, they buy brand new shoes. They're not used to wearing high heels. You know, you're wearing takkies, training shoes or takkies. Its -- its probably going to be very difficult for you to -- to -- to -- to feel comfortable in high heel shoes unless you're used to them. Why don't you put them at home tonight and do the same thing.”
And I said: “I know many people who buy a brand new pair of shoes and they hurt their feet for a long time, because they haven't broken them in. You don't want that in an interview. You don't want to be thinking about your feet hurting like anything or not being able to walk properly. So just wear them at home.”
So she went home and she wore them around the house, which is not usual but she did so and she started getting used to them.
And gradually, over the course of several sessions she got more and more comfortable with these clothes, they became her identity.
And then I said to her, I said:
“Okay, now you're -- you're more used to them, put them on tonight, go out for a walk and just see how you feel walking around at night with them. And if you want if you, if you -- if you feel like it go to the shop, go to the supermarket where you regularly go and see how people react to you differently. See how people will change their attitude towards you and treat you much more, with much more respect.”
So she agreed she went home and after a couple more days of practicing like this she came back and I said:
“Well, how was it?”
She said “I can't -- can't believe how all the people are treating me differently. They were much more respectful, they were much more deferential to me and I felt so good. I looked around, I just felt so good.”
And as she was saying this I noticed her bearing, her whole posture had changed. She's still wearing a T- shirt, she's still wearing her jeans, but her whole posture had changed. She became more erect, her body language became more open, her head was up and she just exuded more confidence.
So this is what I want you to do. I want you to get used to wearing nice clothes that make you feel special, that make you feel like a million dollars. And then see how people react differently to you, see how people are more -- favourable to you. And here's a funny thing. If you have a good posture, a good bearing and nice clothes and you walk down a busy street, people will move out of your way because they know that this person is special. So I want you to get used to that feeling, because you are special. There's nobody in this world like you, you're so special.
And when we're talking of posture, it's also important to think about your posture. If you have your shoulders down like this and you head's down, nobody will look at you and say you're confident and you won't feel confident. The same with your feet. If you're standing there with your feet pressed closely together, your legs pressed closely together, you tend to rock.
Confident people don't do that. They have their feet wide, firmly planted on the ground and they stand there in a Wonder Woman or a Superman pose, hands on hips type thing, shoulders back, head erect, the whole body is open but they just have this confidence oozing out them.
So this is something that you can practice. Think of Superman, think of Batman, think of the superheroes, Wonder Woman in the comics, how do they stand. Look at the pictures. Picture them in your mind. They stand there as I say, legs, slightly apart, hands on the hips, chest back, proud bearing, a sort of nice confident smile, half smile on the face and they just stand there. You can do that at home. Go home, look in the mirror in the bathroom and just stand there and put this feeling of happiness in yourself. Look at me, I'm so good.
And then think of a memory, a memory, something you did which made you feel so good. Think of maybe when you were a child you started writing and you could write the letters A, B, C, D or whatever and you were so proud of it and you're just running around, showing everybody, look at this, look at this or your first picture or something, it doesn't matter whatever success, think of it in your mind. And then let that feeling come, come and look in the mirror and just say, yes, I'm so good.
And if it helps you take out your ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet, take out your ‘I CAN DO’ sheet, look of them first, “YES!” do your victory salute. And then stand there and just look at yourself and just savour that feeling; that feeling of confidence, that feeling of goodness, that feeling of how special you are. Do it everyday. Why don't you set your alarm for one hour or just get your rubber band or just whenever you go to the loo, just do it for five minutes. And you'll see a massive difference.
And whilst we’re talking of head posture. You know, a very good way to make sure your head posture is erect and very confident is to sort of put your head down, look at the floor gently, then just look up, slowly and gently, and then rock it backwards and forward, get a pause until it just sits there in the right place. Now, if you've got any mobility problems or any doubts, you can always consult your doctor first. And the key is you do this gently and slowly. There is no movement, rapid movements. Just do gently -- you'll feel it, just sit nicely.
And what happens is its aligning your whole body. The energy can come down through your crown chakra, your throat is exposed, your chest is exposed, your stomach and -- and -- and intestine area is -- is exposed, your groin is sort of exposed. So you're saying to people, ‘Look at me, I don't have to hide or protect anything, because I have got confidence. And I can radiate that confidence through all the chakra's in my body to you.’ So that's something you need to practice.
As I say, you must make it a habit. Good confidence habits. Habits are formed -- you will form good confidence habits.
And I had a friend of mine, good friend of mine who is an executive coach and she had a, what's it called, not a presentation; she had to facilitate a meeting, a conference or something for a couple of days and I gave her the same tip. I said do your victory pose, do your Wonder Woman pose. And she was a little bit sort of skeptical, but she did it.
On the morning, the first morning, she went the bathroom, there's nobody there at the conference venue. There's nobody there so she quickly went in and she did her confidence pose, she did a Wonder Woman pose and she stand, stood there for few minutes, smiled at herself; and she gave a wonderful performance. People loved her, because she was radiating confidence. She was radiating… She knew what to do… Success.
Practice. Make this a habit, get your rubber band, put it on. Every time you feel it or you notice it, look in the mirror smile, get your pencil if you need to, smile, do the things, makes them habits.
And the last little tip I want to give you is if you're in a meeting situation for instance, claim your space. Don't sit at the table all hunched up so that: ‘no, I don't want to take any space.’ Don't be a timid mouse. Don't put your book, your pen, your phone or whatever on top of -- on top of each other and take up as small a space as possible. Spread them out. Claim your space, because that tells people you're confident, and you are.
And look around at the people in the meetings you go to, the powerful people, the confident people, the people who get noticed do this. Because they're silently signalling to everybody, I'm someone special, I am confident. Treat me with respect. And this is what you are going to do. This is what all these little things start building… this solid foundation of confidence.
So let's recap quickly:
‘I AM GOOD sheet.’
‘I can do.’
‘Victory pose - Yeees!’
‘Wonder Woman, Superwoman.’
‘Great clothes that make you feel like a million dollars.’
‘Claim your space.’
Simple things, but they will make you so much more confident.
So thank you for watching. Remember my twitter address. Tweet me, tell me how it's going. And don't forget subscribe to this channel so you can get more tips as soon as they're released and you can start your week, each week, the confident way. Thank you for watching. My name is Stuart and I love talking to you about confidence. So come back next week, I'll see you then.