CB002 - How to Reinforce Your Confidence Foundation
Having Confidence is one thing…
Keeping it, making it unshakeable in the face of anything is another. In this exciting episode we look at simple exercises you can do right now to start reinforcing your confidence foundation.
As you know, buildings with strong foundations can last forever but others, like the leaning tower of Piza in Italy were built on shaky ground. And, despite their magnificence they start to lean and crumble. Your confidence is no different…
So, what you are going to discover is how to build an even stronger confidence foundation that you can build upon and will help you stay confident forever.
Are you ready for that? Great! Let’s start listening.
CB002 - How To Build A Stronger Confidence Foundation
Hi there! Its Stuart here from Double C Coaching and I want to welcome you to another exciting episode of confidence bites where we talk confidence and I give you confidence building tips every week. Now, here I don't know if you remember last week, but we started laying the foundation for your confidence. And that was talking about how you ‘can’ if you really believe in yourself and getting you to commit to doing, to writing your ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet.
Now, here's a sample of my ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet and I hope you’ve got yours handy, because I want you to look at it for few seconds, right this moment. So grab it, take it out of your pocket and look at it. Read it, “I can walk, I'm good”, “I love animals, I'm good”, “I love people, I'm good”; all these things, just do it quickly for a few seconds. And put a smile in your face because smiles help you build confidence.
And what we're going to do today is we're going to expand on this ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet. We're going to start reinforcing your foundations, so you can be confident everyday. So along the same principle, a piece of paper, blank piece of paper, ‘I CAN DO’. Okay. Just think about all the things that you can do and you weren't born being able to do them.
When you were born: you couldn't walk, you couldn't ride, you couldn't speak; but you learnt to do them. And if you look over your life, over the past wonderful years of your life, you will realise that you have learned so many things and that you can do so many things. So this is the next episode 100 things “I CAN DO”. Why is that important? Because you know you've done something that you've learned, it means you can learn again, you can do more. There is no such thing as I can't do that. It's a question, I don't know how to do that, yet. But I can learn, because I've learned so many things.
You know, a few years ago when I first moved to China, I wasn't really into -- into computers. I didn't have an email address, I didn't have a Skype address, I didn't have anything. I didn't know how to… I was scared of computers in some ways. This is only 10 years ago, well, actually I've lived here 13 years now. So this is about 10 to 12, 13 years ago. And you know what I did? I got a computer from the school I was working at. I got my first email address with Yahoo.
I signed up for free and I started learning there and then because, you know, phoning from China to the UK were my family was, it was expensive. I got Skype. I learned how to use Skype.
Now, 10, 12, 13 years later I can program basic websites, I can use WordPress, I can put plugins, I can do the necessary things to upload files to my website, I can use Skype, I can use Zoom, I can use GoToMeeting. I can do so many things with the computer. I'm even recording this video on the computer, and I will edit it myself because I enjoy it.
And do you know what? Why is it I can do those? Because I learned, just the same as I learned to write, just the same as I learned to speak, just as I learned to (whistle)… When I say learned to speak I just can't speak… just the same as I learned to walk, write, speak; everything I've done in my life. I've had to learn. So I don't look at things as ‘I can’t'. I look at things as maybe I don't know, yet. But I know, 100% certainly that I can learn!
So this is why this is important; very, very important. It goes along with the ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet. And what I want you to do is a 100 things again. And remember my Twitter address, you’ll see it below just now. I want you to tweet me and tell me how many things have you got on your lists. It should be a minimum, a minimum of a 100 ‘I AM GOOD’. It should be a minimum of ‘I CAN’.
Go, do it.
You can start now, but I'd rather you watch a little bit more of this video because I've want to share another important tip. It's going to really making your foundation even stronger. And that's what I call a Success Diary.
Now, this can be a little book that you carry around with you, it can be a piece of paper. You could even use your phone or computer for this. But what I want you to do is I want you everyday, a minimum in the evening, before you go to sleep, but sometimes you can do it a little bit more frequently. I want you to write down every single success. And they can be small successes.
But you -- your life is full of success. You do so many things. Let's think about the ‘I AM GOOD’ sheet, okay? I wrote this. So it’s a “success!”, put it in your success diary. I made my ‘I CAN DO’ sheet, I took a piece of paper and a pen, that's a success. I wrote the first one down. That's a success. Did you brush your teeth this morning? Yes, that's a success, every little thing. And of course you can start recording bigger things as well.
But the more successes you have, the more you realise how good you are, the more you realise ‘I CAN’, the more confidence you're building and your foundation of confidence is becoming so solid that nothing will shake it. But just writing alone isn't going to be all. What you need to do, as I said in the other program is you need to set an alarm and look at it every hour.
So you'll have your Success Diary, you'll have your ‘I AM GOOD’, you'll have your ‘I CAN’ sheets. I want you to fold them, put them in your pocket, set your alarm for one hour and then the hour comes up, take them out, look at them,
“Yeeesss! I'm good! I can! I've had so many successes!”
And I made so much excitement that my dog just woke up and he's going to come and say, hello, maybe. So excuse me if he does. No, he's going to, going to sleep somewhere else.
Anyway, let me get back to this. So get your alarm. Set it for one hour. Grab them. Do your victory feeling… or victory salute. Put them away in your pocket so you can feel your goodness, you can feel your ‘I CAN’, you can feel your successes in your pocket every single day. Set your alarm for one hour, go back to your day, happier, more confident for what you've just done.
Remember, how many times you -- you actually took them out everyday and looked at them and smiled because of it. That's a success in itself!
Every single one, put them in your success diary. Record your successes, okay? Did you make a mistake today? Did you do something that which wasn't so good? Yes, great! Why? Because that's a success. That gives you the opportunity to learn. We can learn by mistakes. Sometimes all the best lessons come from mistakes. Write it down, I did this it. It wasn't -- it wasn't so good but I learned this from it. There's my success, there's my lesson I've learned. Okay.
Now, before we finish I want you to think about something which is very important and that is other people.
You know, I can't remember who it was, but there are many people mentioned it, that if we look at your friends, we can tell you where you're going to be in your life in the next few years time.
And I know you've met people who are what we call energy thieves or energy vampires. You meet them and for some reason within a few seconds they just drain all your energy. And you're just dread meeting them because you always go away so drained.
But what I want you to do is I want you to stop identifying these people and planning how to avoid them if you can; if not, how to lessen their impact upon you.
And I understand that sometimes, you know, members of family can be energy vampires. And you can't always avoid the members of family, but you can plan how you react to, how you let them power or disempower you.
And another thing about people is we often need advice, we often need people to go to for advice and that's a great thing. But we have to be careful to find out whether they may have a hidden agenda. And sometimes our best friends, sometimes our family, sometimes our parents, even, can be the worst people to go to advice for, because they've got the own hidden agenda and it may not be known to them, it may not be something they realise.
But let's just take an instance. Say, there is as a father, a proud father. He has got a wonderful daughter. And when his daughter is young, he decides that she is going to be a dentist. He just knows that -- that she's going to be a dentist. So he -- the daughter grows up and he's sort of planning and he is getting this stronger and stronger into his mind that his daughter is going to be a dentist. He tries to arrange the education in that way.
And then guess what, she comes to or she gets to about 16 or 17 or 18, its university time she decides she wants to study fashion and she tries to talk to her father about it and he will not allow it because he's got his mind, his picture of his daughter being a dentist, nothing else. And that can be very, very difficult thing to break free from.
Another typical situation. You -- you're a woman, you have a best friend. Maybe your best friend is very attractive or a little bit more attractive than you, but she’s really built her identity around you . That you know she -- she -- she's with you and this is an unconscious decision quite likely, but she's with you because you're not as attractive as her. And she sort of is always the star of the pair if you like.
So one day you go out shopping together and you see this wonderful dress and you put it on and it makes you look like a million dollars. It makes you look, feel like a million dollars. And you say to your friend, “What do you think?” and you expect her to say, it's great and she says: “No! It doesn't suit you, take it off.” And you feel shocked. You can't understand why she would say something like this.
But something inside her has triggered the competition thing. She doesn't want you to look better than her, so she will unintentionally criticise what you're -- you're doing, criticise the dress. Say it makes you look terrible because she knows subconsciously that she will become second and she doesn't want that. And there are so many instances of this in our life.
And, as I say, we can't always excise those people from our lives, but we can start to understand them we can start looking as our relationships, we can start looking at our relationships with our family. And we can look for the energy thieves.
We can look for the people whose identity could be threatened if we change, if we become more confident, if we become better and they may not like that!
They may have built their whole life around you being as you were not as you're going to be, not as you're becoming. And unless you can understand that, unless you can work with them or in some cases excise them from your life, they're always going to hold you back.
So that's another exercise that we'll be doing a little bit later, but I want you to start thinking about that now. So you can start planning and seeing and identifying where these instances occur in your life, because they drag you down.
Imagine this girl, she put this dress on and it's so beautiful. It made her feel like a million dollars and her best friend, her best friend that she trusts with her life probably says, “No! It makes you look horrible”. Imagine that feeling.
So what I want you to do right now is let that ferment in the back of your mind, let your unconscious work on that. We don't have to worry too much now. The most important thing is the paper. Get your paper. Get your pen. “I am good”. Continue. Have you got 100? Good!. Have you got a 150? Better! Have you gone 200? Not yet. Well, go for it.
Tweet me. Stuart… @StuartDoubleC. You can see it at the bottom.
And then get your paper, Success Diary. ‘I can’, ‘I've learned’. All the things that you've done, all the little things. Can you walk? “Yes! I've learned”. Can you talk? “Yes! I've learned”. Can you sing? “Yes!” All the things that you know you can do, all the things. And that gives you the ability to do so many more, because you know you can do these, you know you can learn and you know you're good.
So go on.
Make your confidence foundation so strong that nobody is ever going to be able to break it
So thank you for watching. Grab your pen, grab your paper, right now and start becoming more confident every single moment of every single day. And don't forget, you must subscribe so you come back for more tips and I look forward to seeing you in the next episode of ‘Confidence Bytes’ where we talk confidence. Where I give you confidence building tips to make your life better than its ever been before. To take you from ordinary to extraordinary.
Thank you once again. Go and be confident.