CB008 - Planning Your Confidence Building Strategy
Do you have a confidence building strategy? Well now is the time to fix that.
You want to be more confident, but when is that, where is that and how do you want to feel? You see ‘being more’ confident doesn’t mean so much unless you start qualifying these different aspects.
So, from today, you will develop a deeper understanding of exactly what ‘being more confident’ means to you. You’ll start to understand the feelings and behaviours you want to develop as a more confident ‘you’ and build a plan to make it happen.
If you want to download the transcript for later perusal you may download it at the link directly below
And do let me know what tips you want me to share on forthcoming shows. You can reach me at: https://www.doubleccoaching.com/Contact.html
CB008 - Planning Your Confidence Building Strategy
Hi there, welcome back to another exciting episode of Confidence Bytes. And I’m Stuart, and I’m going to be your host today.
Now, today’s show is all about a confidence strategy. I mean, it’s all right saying “I want to be more confident” but confident where? Confident when?
How is it you feel now and how do you want to feel? Well this is what we’re going to be looking at today.
So the first thing I want you to do, is, I want you to think about - when is it you want to be more confident, what situations?
Now, it could in a meeting at work, it could be when meeting new people, it could be, erm, when you get the phone... on the phone to make a sales call, it could be anything like that.
And I want you to take a piece of paper and I want you to write down all the times, all the places you want to be more confident.
Now pick from that list the most important one for you to work on today okay, you know, you, very often we find that when we work on the most important thing all the other things fall away. So, look at the list, choose one and pick that.
Now let’s assume you’ve chosen, you want to be more confident in meetings. Well, look at it and say how is it I feel when I’m in a meeting, when I say I’m not confident?
What am I feeling? What am I thinking?
Write this down and why is it I feel that way and what is making me feel that way?
Now, you know, consider those for a while and look at how you want to feel in that meeting. It’s all right saying “I want to be more confident in the meeting.” but what does that really mean?
And you need to, to write down as much detail as possible of what this confident person, this new confident you, in the meeting, is going to look like, is going to feel like, is going to sound like, what is she going to do?
How is she going to appear to others?
Because once you’ve got this information then you can plan a strategy about how you’re going to achieve that.
I mean, think about it, when you’re in this meeting what are you feeling that makes you feel you have a lack of confidence?
Write that down.
What are you not feeling at that time?
Write that down, and be specific here. It’s not “Oh, I’m just feeling yergh.” What is it you are actually feeling?
Are you feeling scared? Are you feel that other people don’t respect you?
Are you feeling that, you know, “I’ve so much to say but I just can’t get it out... and every time I try to speak somebody steps over me”?
So I want you to get as specific as possible and write down as much detail as possible because once you have this specificity then you can start looking and say “Ok, what is it I can do right now to start changing that?”
Now, if you take the meeting scenario, why is it that you might be feeling tongue tied? Is it because you’re scared of your co-workers?
Is it because you’re just aaah, have this sort of lack of confidence as a general thing and the demeanour is very bad?
Or, you know, could you change that by just opening your space a little bit, opening yourself up?
Could you change that by doing the power pose beforehand, you know, could you just claim a bit more space in the meeting and ‘say’ “this is my space”?
Think about what you can do to give yourself that change of behaviour...
And here’s a question for you...
Are you really ready to become this new person? Because it’s a new identity and maybe you’ve been using the old identity as a shield. So are you ready to become this person?
Great! Go away... “Yeeesss” do your power pose, do all these things, and you can do these things before the meeting.
If you remember some of the previous things, the ‘I Am Good Sheet’, the ‘My Success’ and ‘All The things I’ve Learned’ and the ‘Superwoman Pose’ or the ‘Superman Pose’ and the ‘Power Pose’ and the ‘Smile’, you can go and look at these.
And you can do these before your meeting, you can just quickly go to the ladies room or the gents. And you can just do the ‘Power Pose’ for a few minutes and then you’ll feel that energy coming through you. You can use your circle of influence we spoke about before, you know, to step into as you into the meeting room.
And then you sit there and you claim your space, you put your shoulders back, you open your chest up a little bit and keep your head nicely and you just stay proud.
Now you have claimed your, erm, space in this meeting. You have signalled to everybody that you’re a force to be reckoned with and, you know, here’s the other thing about the meeting - you need to prepare. OK. Prepare...
What is the meeting about?
Find as much information...
What do you think Jo or John or Mary or Peter or the boss or whoever is going to say in this meeting? OK?. Anticipate them, get answers ready, get as much knowledge as possible because that will help you be more confident.
And when it’s your turn to speak - speak, don’t mumble, don’t push your head down, put your head up, look directly at whoever it is you need to look at and say, calmly, clearly what it is you have to say.
And say it slowly.
And if somebody interrupts, stop them: “Excuse me. I haven’t finished speaking yet.” or something along those lines.
Be firm, be polite and people will start to take notice.
So, you can only do this if you know what it is you want to feel like in this situation, whether it’s the meeting or something else.
And, you know, here’s another little tip. Who do you know who’s a public figure who has that attribute? What is it about them?
You can write that down as well.
So, maybe we’re talking about meetings, who’s the most confident in meetings in your company? Who’s the most confident person you’ve seen walking down the street or you’ve seen pictures of or whatever?
What is it about that person? “What attributes have they got which I can borrow?”
And then you start looking and you start gathering and it could be that this person, John, or this film star here has certain, different attributes but you want both of them. So you take this one from ‘that one’ and that one from ‘that one’ and something else from another person and you start modelling OK. We’re not trying to make you be that person, we’re just trying to model.
And you know, here’s an interesting story. there was, er, er, I can’t remember the guy’s name, I think it was ‘Think and Grow Rich’, but he, he had a private mastermind, in his mind just before he went to bed. He spent an hour with these people he’d selected. People like George Washington, people like Abraham Lincoln, other people, people who had attributes he admired.
And he started off every night, he said “Good evening, de, de, de...” Good evening to this person, good evening to that person and then he said to them “You have this attribute which I want to borrow.” And over the course of time, he did this regularly as I say, every night, he took this one from that person and this one from that person and that one from that person and he had all these attributes within himself so he became a much better, much more powerful, much more confident person because of this.
So these are things that you can do...
Think about it OK?
“How do I feel in this situation?”
“What am I thinking?”
“What is my body doing?”
Make as many notes as, detailed notes as possible...
“What am I not feeling?”
“What is my body not doing?”
Find out. Write them down and then look at it and say:
“How is it I want to feel in this situation?”
“How do I want my body to look?”
“How do I want people to look at me?”
“How do I want them to hear me?”
If it’s a speaking situation - “How do I sound?”
“Do I sound confident?”
“Have I got my head down so I’m all muffled?”
“Am I looking directly at the people?”
All these things... And then write down how you want to feel.
Now, you’ve got all this, these notes you’ve got the attributes, from the different people, you want to borrow, you’ve got your body posture you want to change, all theses things. Look at it and say “What is the smallest thing, the smallest thing I can do right now to start getting me to be this new person... And am I ready to be this new person?”
I mean, if you are the type of person, sorry, if you are, you know, you want to become this more confident person in meetings maybe that will give you more responsibility, and you don’t have the time at work.
Are you ready to accept that responsibility?
Is it something you can handle because your workload is too much?
Because maybe, maybe, this is one of the hidden secrets why you don’t want to be noticed because you’ve got so much work, you’ve got so much pressure on you that you don’t want more.
So you’ve got to think about that as well - “Am I ready to be this person?”, “Can I accept this new identity which I am developing?”
If so, great!
If not, you need to look at that part first.
If you have too much work, if you’re feeling overloaded, maybe it’s time to speak to your boss, your manager or somebody along those lines and see whether they can, you know, lighten the load a little.
Now, there’s so many different ways people want to be more confident. I mean, you see some people, they’re very confident in one thing but in another thing they’re hesitant.
So by identifying, and you may have half a dozen or you may have more, or you may have fewer areas, it doesn’t matter. By identifying the area you can choose the one that is most important to you right now and, as I say, if you fix that, then it’s quite likely a lot of the other ones will fall away.
And here’s another thing, as I say, preparation for a meeting, preparation for a speech, preparation for a sales call, preparation for, you know, just anything is very important.
You have to prepare.
And not only the knowledge, not only the content, if you’ve got a phone call, an important phone call, you have to prepare ‘you’. Can you speak clearly? Is your mouth dry? Do you have a cough, do you have a tickle in your throat?
What about how you’re going to stand?
Are you going to sit on the desk slumped over trying to make this call? Are you going to sit back or are you going to stand for the phone call?
You need to prepare yourself so that you are giving the best and obviously be, beforehand you do your power pose, you do your, you know, ‘Yeees’, your victory salute, you get your ‘I Am Good Sheet’ and things and just remember all the successes you’ve had in the past so you can have more successes.
So this is art of your preparation, the mental preparation and then there’s the written preparation, all the notes you need to do, all the knowledge, the content you have to get, this alone will give you the confidence that you need.
And then you know how you want to feel, you know how you want to come across, how you want to react and then you can plan what you need to do to make that happen.
So, there’s quite a lot there, I suggest you go back you listen again and then you take your paper and you make notes. Think about specifically “How is it I feel now in this situation...” or before that, “What is the situation, what specifically is the situation?”
“How do I feel now?”
“How do I want to feel?”
“What am I not feeling now”
What is it that I need to feel?” Okay.
“How can I prepare myself better?”
If it’s a meeting, claim your space. What about giving a speech? This is a whole new ball game,
“What is it I need to do?”
“Who do I want to emulate?” “How do I want to come across?”
And remember, practice, practice, practice - get as much information as you can and then practice. If it’s giving a speech, do it in front of the mirror, get yourself a computer and get some screen recording software and give it in front of there or just take your phone and put it on somewhere, a mantlepiece or something so that it can record you.
And then give it to the phone. Practice these things then you can see where the errors are, you can see where you didn’t come across as you intended because sometimes you don’t see when you’re, when you’re talking. And then you can correct them, you can work on correcting them.
Maybe your stance - “What do I have to do to get my stance good?” “Do I need to do the power pose?”
“How can I make that look so ob... you know, so unobvious - it’s not a proper word, you know, unobvious but you know what I mean...How can I make it look more natural and still be that confident, super strong person?”
So, go away, do your homework and don’t forget you can eml, email me at: stuart at doubleccoaching.com or go to the website https://www.doubleccoaching.com/ Contact.html and you’ll find a contact form.
Either way I will respond to you, and when you do email me tell me what are the tips that you want me to give you, because I love to help you. So, thank you for watching, I’ll speak to you next time. Go a way and BEEE more confident!
OKAY? Bye, bye.