Confidence Bytes Inaugural Show
What if it is a simple process to build more confidence?
More and more, confidence is becoming the golden key to success. A person can have all the knowledge or talent in the world but it does not help that much if they are not confident enough to apply it. Take a look at any talent show on TV and you’ll see highly talented people falling down because they lack the inner confidence to deliver that talent.
As you listen to this show you’ll discover how people live inside a box that can become a prison and restricts them from gettingthe most out of life. Many people in this situation cannot find a door and even if they did wouldn’t have the courage to step outside. Through real stories you’ll see just how much fun life can be when you ‘pluck up the courage’ to go outside - All of a sudden the big threatening new world becomes a joy to live in and, as you grow there so does the belief in your abilities.
You’ll also discover how you hold smouldering embers of inner resources that you can fan into roaring flames and use to create and live your dream life.
The Confidence Bytes shows will give you weekly confidence building tips in an easily digestible way. You will get little nuggets of sound advice, tips and tricks that you can put into use any time you want and help you grow more confident.
Hi, welcome to Confidence Bytes. My name’s Stuart and I’m your host for this series of programs giving you confidence building tips. Tips that you can take away right now, today and start implementing in your life to make you more confident every single day.
Now, I’m the founder of Double C Coaching, my company is dedicated to helping people just like yourself turn their life from ‘ordinary’ into ‘extraordinary. I’ve met many people who’d love to have a more exciting life but they’ve all had an excuse, they always say: “I don’t know how”, “I’m not good enough”... but what it all boils down to really is the fact that they don’t have the confidence.
And, many, many years ago I made a vow to myself. Actually I got a very good lesson... My girlfriend and I had just been to Morocco, and we came back from Morocco, we were living in the UK and, you know, UK people, their skin’s a little bit pale because the weather’s not so good most of the time.
And we’d just come back from Morocco and we went to the pub one evening and we walked in and by the bar there’s an old guy sitting in his chair there, he was about seventy and he looked at me and said: “EEEh lad” he said “you’re looking very brown, where’s tha’ bin?” and I said to him “No, we’ve just came back from Morocco”...
And he looked at me with such wistful eyes and said: “Morocco? Eeeeee, ah wish ah could’ve gone to Morocco when ah was younger...”
And I looked at him and said to myself that there’s no way I’m going to be like him when I get to his age, and I’m not going to looking back on my life with regret. I’m going to look back on my life with pride, with a sense of accomplishment with a sense of achievement for the things I have done, the things I wanted to do.
You know, I read a survey, and I don’t know whether it’s an official survey or an unofficial survey but the point is it’s all the same. An Australian nurse who was working with terminally ill patients she did and unofficial survey, I think it was, with a lot her patients.
They were on their death bed and she asked them what were their biggest regrets in life and do you know that most of them, probably about 90% of them said: “Not living my own life! Always living someone else’s.”
And it goes back to what that old guy in the pub said, back in the UK... “I wish I could have...” and the fact is you can! It might take a little courage, it might take a little dedication but you still can.
Now let me ask you a question.
I have two banknotes, oops! A twenty pound note, a twenty RMB note, OK, two bank notes. And i have two A4 pieces of paper and if I ask you now which is the most valuable “Which do you think? The bank notes or the paper?”
Now, if you’re like most people, you’ll be telling me the banknotes, and I’d have to agree with you. You see, the banknotes, once they’re folded, they become a little person, somebody probably just like you. Whereas the paper becomes a box.
Now, here’s the funny thing, even though you’re more valuable, you spend your whole life locked in side this box. “Let me out, let me out!” you probably say. But, you know. As much as you look, as much as you search, you probably can’t find the door. And even if you did find the door, this whole world outside of this box is so scary that you probably wouldn’t step outside.
You see it takes a lot of courage it takes a lot of confidence to break free of this prison that we tend to keep ourselves in.
And it’s just like one of my, erm, erm, clients, Jo, she was a young girl, or young woman, shall we say, and she’d just finished university, she lives in China and China has quite a rigid view of how the young girls or young women should live their lives.
By 25, 26 or 27 they’r expected to have found a boyfriend and be preparing to, if not already married, so they can start a family almost immediately for their parents, so their parents can become grandparents.
Now, Jo didn’t want any of this, she wanted to make her own life. She wanted to move to another city and build her own life without any of the constraints that society was putting on her. But her parents were against this, her family were against this. They wanted her to toe the line. And she was miserable because she wasn’t ready to settle down.
So with a bit of help from myself I got her to understand, you know, what it was from her parent’s point of view, how they were looking at things and how much pressure they were under form the family and the fact that they were probably being told by their brothers, their sisters and parents that they can’t control their daughter, that they’re not good parents.
So then they were pushing this pressure onto Jo to toe the line so they could get their, well, keep their ‘face’ and ‘face’ is very important in China.
So over a bit of time a few, you know, a period of time, I got Jo to understand all this type of thing from her parent’s point of view. And she managed, because of this, to communicate with her parents and turn them onto her side and get them to understand her point of view and understand why it was so important for her to build her life.
And you know what such a remarkable thing is? She found a job in Guangzhou, which is about two hour’s plane flight away from here and from that job she found a place to live, she found a circle of friends. And she did all this without leaving her home city, she did it all by the internet.
She was ready to move and her mother said, “No, I want to come with you and live with you for three months just to make sure you’re OK in this strange city.”
And Jo said: “No! NO! I have to do this on my own.”
So, after a little bit more talking and discussion, Jo managed to convince her mother and er father that she was going to OK, she was going to be fine and that she had to do this all on her own.
And you know, I always smile, I always get the feeling inside when I hear this next part...
After six months her mother came to visit her and stayed with her for a little while and she said to Jo, she said “I am so proud of you! Look what you’ve achieved! You got your new life, you have a great circle of friends, you’ve got a nice place to stay and you’ve got a great job. I’m so proud of my daughter!”
And I always get a little but emotional when she tells me that story because it’s such a meaningful thing to hear somebody make something of their life. And this is where my heart really is, I want to help you. That’s why I’ve started this Confidence Bytes thing.
I want to show you how, inside, you’ve got the courage, you’ve got the confidence, you’ve got all the resources you need to start making your life and get your life in order - to live it the way you want.
And let me give you another example of how this little box that we tend to live our lives in can be very limiting.
You know, it’s nice to have a place of refuge, the four walls are very comfortable but there’s a lot of times we need to go outside because it limits us. And, you know, a few years ago, it’s quite a few years ago now, when I was still living in the UK, my girlfriend and I got a street cat. And this kitten was only about six weeks old, and when we bought it it was August and you know August in the UK, it’s OK the weather.
And I’m really a dog lover but this cat was really a wonderful creature. It had such a personality, it was always full of fun, it was always playing, it would hide behind the sofa or something like that and ambush me as I came past. He was so much fun.
And every morning when I got up he came downstairs with me. He ran down the stairs with me so excited because he knew I was going to open the back door and let him outside. and he’d go outside and play and do his business then come back in for food etc.
But this one morning, and I remember this so vividly, it was the beginning of December, and I came downstairs at 7 o’clock as normal and I opened the back door. The cat was bouncing down the stairs so excited, and the door opened and suddenly the cat goes ‘what the...!!’ and he just stopped dead.
And his eyes were wide, you see, outside everything had changed, it was white! It was just a thick blanket of snow.
And I was smiling to myself, because I mean, I’ve seen snow before but the cat’s never seen snow, he’s never seen this new world, this strange new world that’s outside... “What’s happened?” and there was no way he was going outside!
He didn’t have the courage, he didn’t have the confidence to go and explore this white blanket. And he put his little foot out, touched the snow and pulled it back.
And then I started playing with him and getting him a little bit more encouraged, I got a snow, a little bit of snow and made a snowball, played with it with him in the house and he’s getting a little happier but when I threw it outside, No Way! He’s not going out there.
Anyway, over a little bit of time, you know, I got another snowball and another snowball then I threw them outside and eventually he ran outside chasing this one snowball.
And I will never forget this, it’s so funny!
He disappeared! He just disappeared in the snow! Gone! The snow was so deep he just disappeared! Then this little head popped up and he ‘said’ “What the heck?” you know, he looked around and then he just went crazy!
He’s just running around ’n he’s having fun in the snow and I got some more snowballs and I threw them for him, he’s chasing them, he’s running into the trees, the bushes, he’s bouncing off... Snow’s going everywhere, he was having the time of his life!
He was so happy he’d gone outside that door, he was so happy he’d explored his brand new world because it was the most exciting thing in the world...
And it’s, it’s incredible really how we limit ourselves, for no need. We just need to find that little bit of courage and confidence from inside ourselves then we can go out.
Now. Maybe you don’t feel trapped in your world. Maybe you feel that, maybe, just, there’s just something more, something’s missing and you know, it’s a natural feeling. Most people have it at sometime, there’s got to be more to life than this.
Well there’s always more because life is what you make it.
And you carry around in yourself so many hidden resources which I am going to help you to find.
I remember a few years ago I was travelling through Africa and I was in the Zaire jungle in Central Africa and we went on a hunting trip with the picmies, pygmies not picmies, I can’t speak!
Anyway, we went on a hunting trick, hunting trip!, with the pygmies and, you know, these guys are quite interesting. They take nets with them and the go out way into the forest and chase the animals into the nets and they make a new camp where ever they are.
And on this trip there’s one person who has a very important job.
His job is to take this live coal and keep it with him the whole time so that when the time comes he can start a fire. You see, we’re in the middle of a rain forest, there’s not many roads. There may be a dirt track here or there or something like that but there’s no corner shops, there’s no supermarkets, they aren’t even dry twigs to rub together because we’re in the rain forest!
So he has to keep these coals burning and then when the time comes he has to fan them into life and create this wonderful fire...
And you, you’re just like the keeper of the coals, you have this important job, you have your own coals, your coals of confidence, your coals of courage, and your coals of inn... inner resources smouldering away inside you.
Now sometimes they’re very deep, sometimes they’re not so deep and your job is to keep them and I will help you to fan them into a roaring fire so that you can change your life from ordinary to extraordinary!
Now. I know you might be thinking “How can I do that?” Well, it’s very simple. The very first step you need to do is appreciate yourself. Celebrate all your little victories and in my next program I will go into a bit more detail about what confidence is, why it’s so important and I will start teaching you how, simply, within a few moments you can start celebrating your successes, yourself, and start feeling better and more empowered in your life.
Now, if that’s something that really resonates with you then I invite you to come back to the next program so that you can start building your confidence right away.
Thank you for being here. I invite you to come back next time so bookmark this page aaannd, subscribe to the channel.
By the way, don’t forget to get more confident every single day - Chao!